Insemination #1

Let me start by saying that I have never paid so much attention to the mucus coming out of my cervix as I have in the past several months. Last month I felt like I had a really good sense of what my mucus was telling me and when I should inseminate -- I felt super prepared for this month. And then this month came and when it got closer and closer to J and I inseminating I found myself getting a little scared and unsure about the timing. I feel like most of my life I have been taught not to trust myself . . . it's hard to undo all of that self-doubt.

But luckily I have fantastic community in my life. My best friend, who's queer, is going to give birth in two weeks. I called her up and had a "mucus brainstorm" session and with her help (and her reminder to trust my instinct that Thursday was the day to inseminate) I made the decision.

So on to the logistics. I texted my donor: "The eggle has landed". He texted back and we made some plans for a semen exchange. J and I were in the kitchen cleaning and making filling for dumplings when we heard the knock on our door. The third party who was transporting the sperm wished us luck and handed over a baby food jar (provided by me and J) with our donor's sperm.

I guess I don't know how to explain how exciting and absolutely hilarious and scary this was all at once. J and I re-read the insemination section of our book "The New Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy and Birth" (which is a really excellent book that is trans-inclusive) and got cozy on the couch. We then took the lid off the jar and I immediately felt like a goofy, giggly girl. Why? Because I forgot that semen has a funny smell (no offense to all the semen producing people). I had sex with a boy once when I was 17 and remember not liking the smell of semen, but I must pushed it out of my mind. Anyway, after my giggles subsided we were ready to begin.

I tilted my hips up and using our needless syringe, J sucked up all the semen from the jar and put it in me. This is the beginning of something new friends. J held one of my hands, and I kept my other hand on my lower belly. It was almost immediate, the sensation I felt. I don't know if it was excitement or if it's just what sperm feels like in a person's body, but this is what I felt inside of me:

Movement. Warmth. Hope.

I stayed on the couch for nearly two hours, having a slight moment of panic when I felt like some of the sperm was sliding out of me, but mostly just relaxing and feeling excited, picturing a baby growing inside of me. And I woke up this morning with my body feeling more alive and really different than I have ever felt before. So keep your fingers crossed friends, and keep sending your sweet fertility thoughts my way. Thanks for all your love and support!