So I'm not pregnant which, for me, is really sad. This is a hard process, more so than I thought it would be. In my head I always imagined that once J and I found a donor and figured out the legal stuff and finally started inseminating that I would get pregnant immediately.
But I didn't, and I feel sad.
It is hard to sit with this sadness, to feel it in my body today. But there is something beautiful about this process, too -- to be so present with my body and my emotions. And not being pregnant calls up a lot of ghost for me, mainly self-doubt, because I really thought I was pregnant. My body was engaged with this process from the beginning, and I had felt like it was changing. It's hard for me to untangle what was in my mind from what was actually happening to my body . . . perhaps a little of both was going on.
But even though I'm so sad today, I am hopeful about the weeks to come and excited for this process to begin again.
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4 comments:
sorry, friend. we were hoping, too. i will tell the room partner to pray for you :)
hey steph,
sorry to hear it did not take. will send some good energy out to the universe. hugs to you and jess.
love mom
i've been thinking about you, sending you good vibes.
in case you are interested, there are quite a few bloggers writing about trying to conceive over at lesbianfamily.org.
hey lady, i'm thinking about you two and sending prayers for a new little one to hurry and come on through. love, livia
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